13 February 2010

What time is it? Slam time. Uhhn.

If I made the dosh that Boozer makes, I would go to Cabo this weekend too. Have you ever been to Mexico? I was there a year ago this month, and my only beef with the place is the corrupt cops who tried to drain my savings and the unrelenting revenge that Montezuma exacted on my bowels. It's a pretty place. I bet Boozer will see even more amazing views of it than I saw, on account of him probably staying at one of those resort places with a huge entrance.

I mean, what is keeping me here? There are no Jazz games and the All-Star game is okay, I guess, but I can't remember the last time I watch a big portion of one them. Last year I watched True Hollywood Story: Mario Lopez and True Hollywood Story: The Kardashians during the game. By the way, Mario Lopez is a lame piece of junk. I think I watched a total of two minutes of the game. Baseball is the only All-Star game I can get into.

Will I watch tomorrow on account of Deron Williams playing? Maybe. It's Valentine's Day, and the game probably isn't worth even asking about. If me and my woman aren't doing anything, then I might tune in. But remember how disheartening it was when Malone and Stockton played in All-Star games? All the other players were like, "Yo, these here fellas is wiggity." I wonder if it would be even worse to see a Jazz play along with the shenanigans like Williams likely will.

I will be watching the Slam Dunk contest, though, and only a small fraction of the reason is it being sponsored by my favorite drink of the last six months, Sprite (I just remembered I left a full cup of it in the car last night--score). See, I don't like dunks most of the time. But when they're awesome, I love them, and I watch the Sprite contest knowing that maybe one or two slams will really rock me. I also tune in knowing that I might be left unrocked. But the rocking, or potential thereof, is worth the gamble.

I also hate all of the NBA players piled upon each other on the sidelines watching the dunk contest. To quote myself a few weeks ago:

Players should be banned from watching the Dunk Contest from the front row. They try to steal camera time from the actual dunkers by straight freaking after everything. You know, they put their clenched fist to their mouth as they smile, as if to say, "No he didn't." But he did, doofus. Not only did he, but almost anyone can do that dunk. Are you drunk? Stoned? LeBron James took this to the next level last year when he vowed to compete with Dwight Howard in the next dunk contest (this year's). To no one's surprise, he isn't in this year's contest.

Sprite should sponsor this blog. Don't even get me started on the flavor story of that liquid. I have a feeling that Nate Robinson is going to suck in the contest tonight, but it would be cool if he did a dunk called "Lymon" where he dresses in green and yellow, does a normal two-handed jam, then urinates on LeBron James.

We've been trying to keep track of the best dunks of the season by the Jazz. We will select a winner after the season. Let us know if we are missing any.

The dunks:

Here is one we forgot to post, probably due to the huge shadow of Sundiata Gaines.

More dunk stuff.
These are my two favorite dunks in the history of earth:



Vince Carter is the best dunker ever. No question about it.

Watch the Rex Chapman dunk at :20 and the Shawn Kemp dunk at 2:00

One of the most underrated dunks (because I hadn't even heard of it until last year):

Darrell Griffith's #35 would be the coolest Jazz uniform to own.

B would be disappointed if I left out this one:

My woman might be disappointed if I didn't include the Human Highlight Film:

In honor of the Olympics, this Canadian kid, Henry Bekkering can go off:

I read once that he was also a kicker on the football team.


  1. Our readers might not know this, but "Lee" is simply on online handle. Lee's real name is Dr. Dunkenstein. He has a PhD in funk authentication.

  2. It's true, I have crapped on a few dudes. And I glide.