14 February 2010

LIVEBLOG: NBA All Star Game 2010

Okay, I'm going to try this, but I don't know if I can stick it through to the end. I've taken ill and feel like I need to trade in my head for a new, non-dizzy head. I'm going to do my best though. If this blog goes silent before the game is over, avenge me.

• We're outside Cowboy Stadium with Ernie, Charles, Kenny, and the "U.S. Army." I hope Charles realize that there are more guys in the Army than just that.

• Ernie won't stop talking about the Thunderbird jets that will soon be flying over. They finally do after he says "Thunderbirds" for the magic 12th time. It's not very impressive. Not the jets' fault, jets are always cool, just bad camera work.

• Everyone is chanting USA! USA! because they think they're at the Olympics.

• So there are going to be 95,000 people here. I don't think I'd want to be one of those 95,000. That doesn't sound enjoyable at all. Maybe if it was my team, and we were all rooting for a Cowboy victory, but an All-Star game where no one cares about the victor, I don't know.

• I'm being excessively negative so far. And It's going to continue.

• We're treated to a performance by a band called One Republic (I think). I want to criticize them but I don't think there's any way to do it without sounding like an old man. The last time I listed to modern alternative rock radio was about five years ago, and at the time all the music sounded like this. So I guess we haven't made much progress.

• Someone needs to tell me if this band is actually famous, or if they're just being pushed by a record label that has a deal with TNT. If they are famous, good for them.

• When the All-Star game was in SLC we had Boyz II Men. Now those kids had talent!

• Okay enough of the pre-game show. I'll rejoin you at tip off.

• Oh okay, the pre-show team is joined by McLovin'. Why wouldn't they be? Oh I see. He did some little comedy bits for TNT. They're very funny (not very funny).

• They keep showing clips from Superbad. Maybe during the half-time show they'll talk about Austin Powers.

• The Dwight Howard/Shaq Superman nickname controversy might be the dumbest thing in all of sports.

• TNT is having technical problems tonight. They keep showing about one second of a commercial, then one second of another, so on.

• Yeah, TNT is a wreck tonight. The Sager/Nash interview was extra awkward because they had to start it twice. The camera was on the whole time Craig!

• The Charles Barkley Taco Bell Rap gets worse and worse every time. If you're my age, around 30ish, you probably had an assembly in elementary school where the Principal, that old square, got up and did a little rap about school pride. And the kids laughed and laughed. I guarantee that was better than Barkley's rap.

• Now Usher is pretending to sing. I feel like this excessive (even by big ticket sports standards) introduction is a direct result of Avatar's success. Doesn't it kind of feel like the NBA is saying "We don't have enough faith in our own product to let it be carried by it's own merits. "

• It's hard to tell with this music and the cavernous venue, but it sounds like every one of the Eastern reserves is getting booed. Maybe F-16s are just flying over head.

• Wait we're really doing another Usher song? There's not going to even be a game tonight is there?

• Chris Paul is on a crutch and is walking like C3PO.

• Here comes Deron... any second now...

• Making his first appearance in the NBA all-star game, local High School star, from the Utah Jazz, Deron Williams!

• No joke, Deron got the quietest applause of anyone. I'm sorry buddy.

• More Usher.

• Gretchen Wilson is singing the National Anthem, but there's no reason we can't just pretend it's Boyz II Men.

• Dirk Nowitski welcomes everyone to Dallas because THEY'RE HASN'T BEEN ENOUGH POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE YET!

• Now that the game is under way I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about.

• The organ player in the stadium hasn't stopped the entire game. Amateur.

• Seriously now that I've said that it's all I can hear. It's like I'm watching a carnival. The musical director for this game does not understand the purpose of the organ. It is not supposed to go during every second of the game.

• We got a twenty second break before it fired up again. This is killing me. I'm considering boycotting the NBA.

• Dwight Howard hits a three pointer while nine other guys stand around and watch.

• He takes another three after bringing the ball up like a point guard. THE ORGAN IS STILL GOING.

• Deron is in. I hope he does something awesome.

• Deron dishes to Dirk, missed jump shot. No one even tried to grab the rebound.

• Text from my friend Bryan: "This whole thing looks like it's being played in another country." He's right.

• Deron awesome dunk!

• Deron awesome steal awesome pass to Billups awesome dunk!

• It think Deron wants to get a triple double.

• I wish Boozer were playing. Think how great "AND ONE!" would sound echoing off the walls of this stadium.

• Deron! He did not come here to be polite.

• So we're stopping the game in the middle of the 2nd quarter so Derek Fisher can... sing? Oh he's talking about the children. That's a good cause, no doubt about it, but this is weird.

• Mike: "Great, now Deron is going to start playing like crap because he knows Fisher is here."

• Chris Kaman, bless his heart. I wish it was Boozer out there.

• I don't want Carmelo to get the MVP.

• Halftime. I'm going to go eat something.

• Shakira at the halftime show. Her outfit is based on this:

• Again, I'll sound like a fuddy-duddy, but this music is really bad. Not just that it's not my thing, but it's not even anything. There's no hook.

• This performance is very ass-centric.

• Alright, let's get Alicia Keys in here to class things up. Wait, that's not Alicia Keys!

• Now they're announcing the players for Team USA for this summer's FIBA tournament. Can we just get back to the game? We already like the NBA, that's why we're watching this. You don't have to keep trying to convince us to get excited about basketball.

• Guys, the second half is never going to start.

• I swear the half-time was forty-five minutes long. I'm not exaggerating for comic effect, I really think it was that long.

• Dwight Howard hammadunk!

• DWIGHT HOWARD HAMMADUNK! That second one was pretty dope. I'd rather see something like that than the silly spin moves that the dunk contesteers tried to pull last night.

• Lebron with two crazy dunks in a row.

• Amare Stoudamire goaltends. That is so embarrassing.

• Deron with a three. He's going to bring the West back into this.

• but not by passing it to guys on the other team.

• Kobe Bryant takes "dis-interested" to a whole new level in this interview with Sager.

• Deron with a steal and an easy layup, after missing a long three.

• Kevin Durant with a long three at the buzzer. At the end of the second and the first their weren't any buzzer beating attempts. No one was watching the clock.

•LEE here. Pardon me, but I need to interject. I want a Sprite so bad right now, and I admit that I rap much better under the influence of Lymon, but this:
Last name: Ever
First name: Greatest
is terrible. COME ON.

• B. back in da house. I didn't know both Lee and I could do this at the same time from our separate locations. This implications of this are staggering.

• I like that Deron is getting his looks, but still being a playmaker out there. That's what at true all-star does.

• Well great now I want a Sprite. I do have a lemon-lime Gatorade here with me right now so that's close.

• Dwyane Wade picks Deron's pocket.

• I want the West to win but I don't want Carmelo to have anything to do with it.

• Big night for the 2003 draft class. Lebron, Carmelo, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosch are all bringing it tonight.

• Deron won't be MVP, but he's a shoe-in for Subway Sub of the Game.

• Tied up with less than a minute left. If this was a real game and not the all-star game this would be really exciting.

• Wince, Deron turns it over, losing the game for the West. Then he fouls and Dirk Nowitski flips out.I think it's because Deron wants to win it on a buzzer-beating three, like Gaines.

• Deron says "my bad" to every man on the bench.

• Dwight Howard fouls Nowitski? Is this thing fixed?

• Oy. Two point lead for the East, five seconds left, West's ball. They're going to give it to Dirk who will take a three that will clunk off the front of the iron.

• Nope, Carmelo airballs it. Fitting that Carmelo would do something lame.

• And the crowd goes mild!

• Alright that was fun. I'm done here. Goodnight everybody and thanks for reading!


  1. Rick Fox is sitting behind the East bench. That guy is bullcrap.

  2. Another excellent live blog.

    The one thought I had during the game was that the East players seem to like each other, whereas the West players all kind of hate each other. Maybe that's because the West is really competitive and everyone in the East wants LeBron to win the title.

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